you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
