all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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