i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
