do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
