So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
