i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm like, not good at living.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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