i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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