I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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