How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize