I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
