I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
