it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
