i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
