I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
