Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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