I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We have so much sex to catch up on
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
