if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize