Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
