It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
