Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
