You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
