I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
