i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
