He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
