Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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