You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
