i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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