She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
