Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
