I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
