WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
