She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
