yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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