my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize