so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
