oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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