Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
