would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You pole danced in your parka.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
