there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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