I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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