I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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