I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
