White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
