I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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