just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize