can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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