Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
