Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
