my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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