how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
