You really coming over, don't trick.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
