turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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