All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
