My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm like, not good at living.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize