i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
