Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We don't watch enough power rangers
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
