Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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