I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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