The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
