I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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