Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
