Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
