just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
