she was so not down for the gang bang
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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