I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
