I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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