I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
