Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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