He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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