It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
