Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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