did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
