Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
