Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
