Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
