So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
