I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
