weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
