You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
