You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
