Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize