This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
