so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is my gift to your gina
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
