I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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