Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
