Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
