Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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