Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize