The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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