This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
