she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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