Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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