For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
