my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
