erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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