i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
