I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize