Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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