Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
