You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
