i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize