I got chris browned last night
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
North Korea, Best Korea!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
