i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
