The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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