She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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